How Google dirtballs attempted to get money out of my girlfriend

My girlfriend Viviana got a nice letter from Google Adsense today, they offered her free money, this free money, Google Adsense charlatans said, was in the form of free advertising to promote her sites using their Adsense program, this promotion was worth €75 (aprox. $100).

As soon as Viviana said the words Google the scam alert activated in my mind and I looked at the letter carefully, at the back of letter I found some tiny writing, I got my magnifying glass out of the drawer to be able to read the text properly, it started by saying “terms and conditions”, this is what I found.

  • Google Adsense breaking Google Webmaster spamming rules

A well known con artist trick used by spammers is to stuff a website with keywords using white coloured font on a white background, this way nobody can read the text except the search engine, Google has banned this practise and penalized such sites, Google Adsense terms and conditions are written using difficult to read grey ink printed on a white background.

To top it up, Google Adsense wrote the terms and conditions using a teeny-weeny font, if Google Adsense terms and conditions were to be a written on a website instead of a letter it probably would be blacklisted and flagged as spam.

 

Google Adsense terms and conditions
Google Adsense terms and conditions 
  • Google Adsense Marketing manager Christina Wire fake signature

The letter comes signed in blue ink by Google Marketing manager Christina Wire, on a closer look you will notice that this blue ink has in reality been printed, Christina Wire never signed your letter in person,  Google has been clever enough to choose blue ink for this part of the letter, it might look to some people as if she signed it herself  but the signature has in reality been machine printed.

  • Google Adsense demands payment upfront

While Google claims to give you €75 worth of free advertising, if you choose the easy to manage Adsense prepaid mode you will need to pay Google €5 first “to activate your account”, their credit card payment processing system requires a minimum €10 payment, in the end you end up having to pay €10 upfront for their “free present”.

There is an option to choose the “automated” Google Adsense management with no upfront payment but that method is much more likely to incur in accidental over budget expenses afterwards, whichever way you choose, Google always wins.

  • Google Adsense helpline premium number

Google Adsense free money letter clearly prints its phone help number on the front, what it isn’t so clear to read is the tiny terms and conditions at the back pointing out that this is not a a free call and it will cost you €0,67 minute plus a connection fee.

  • Google Adsense wants you to hurry up to secure the “free money” offer

Google free money/present offer is only valid for a set period of time, the longer it takes for you to sign up with them, the less “free money” you will get, after a month this “free money” offer is reduced by €25 and one month later the offer is finished.

What the Sicilian Mafia could learn from Google

There is no need to break the law to get wealthy, while I can not call Google fraudsters because they have terms and conditions that can be read by people with very sharp eyesight and others using a magnifying glass, I can certainly call Google Adsense dirtballs because honest and transparent businesses do not use degenerate marketing strategies in order to get my girlfriend’s hard earned money.

I have said it before on this blog and I will say it again until they leave us alone.

FUCK YOU GOOGLE!

Fuck Off Google!
Fuck Off Google!